Just One Last Time
by ModifiedFreedom
Summary: This is a story through the eyes of Peeta's best friend. Their lives are changed once Peeta is reaped - with the girl of his dreams no less, and how quickly they grow distant through the events of the Hunger Games. Ashe Tinder, watches and tries desperately to reconnect with Peeta. How will she cope after set backs and not being able to tell him how she really feels?
1. Chapter 1 - Who are you?

"**Just One Last Time"**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any part of the Hunger Games and if I did it wouldn't be as great as it is.**

**CHAPTER 1: Who are you? (Pilot)**

"Well I bet my hat that was your sister, wasn't it?"

"Yes."

"Lets have a hand for our very first volunteer from District 12, Katniss Everdeen."

It was her, it was always her. I could only stand here in shock like the rest of the District, but I could only guess what was going through _your _mind. It hurt me just the same even if I didn't know her, perhaps because her volunteering for the dreaded games was the worst thing for you to witness, and I… well I could feel your pain. As a sign of respect, we touch our lips with three fingers and raise them up…

"And now, for the boys" Effie says abruptly and quickly dunks her hand, drawing a single piece of paper and for a second the world stops. Or well my heart does.

"Peeta Mellark"

_**Flashback**  
"Ashe, come out, I got more surprises for you" Peeta yelled as he knocked at this ragged homes front door. Mom looked at me with a hint of excitement, probably because Peeta often brought bread from the bakery and we were too poor to afford anything. Though she was generally happy I had a friend, if not for Peeta I wouldn't really be talking to anyone. Mom knitted scarves and I would help. I dropped my half knitted scarf to answer the door._

"Oh if it isn't the boy with the bread" I teased.

"Not just 'bread' but I frosted it for you too!" Always sounding pleased with his work. "Oh and give this loaf to your mom too, how bout we go by that old dam and chill for a bit, you know Happy Hunger Games tomorrow" He invited as he handed over the bread.

_This was the best part of my day, spending it with Peeta and no one else. We would sit by the deserted dam and talk for hours._

I broke a silence in our conversation as we stared up at the sky noticing the sun begin to set. "Peeta, I haven't brought this up in forever, Do you still, you know… have a thing for-"

"_For who, Katniss?" He interrupted; still calm and I notice a concerned look on his face form. It wasn't normal for me to bring her up._

"_I saw her this morning, pass my house to go to the woods, just thought of you… I dunno..." I let out a chuckle. "Do you ever think…?" I decide to not go any further by that look in his eyes he was thinking of her walking by, I was certain she had his heart. _

"_Do I think what?" He smiles patiently for me to reply, even pulling me close to his shoulder telling me his attention was completely on me._

"It's nothing… if I say it out loud it wouldn't make sense the same way it did in my head" I insist and look the other way as I start to burn up inside. "Hey… look up the sun sets just the way you love it. Come to think of it I think its lovely too… if only everything was this peaceful." I see his eyes reflect the light as he takes in the magnificent sight and the warm colors spread above us. If only I could stay with Peeta like this longer.

Moments later he breaks the silence. "Lets get back before it's too dark."  
**End Flashback**

I can't seem to keep my balance… I almost feel as if I was called or I could some how feel what he is feeling as he begins to accept he was reaped and makes his way to the stage escorted by Peacekeepers. Most of it was a blur to me, I was shaking ever so slightly. I suddenly begin to burn as he shakes Katniss' hand. He had finally met her and even if I was jealous of his feelings for her, this was not how either of us had imagined it to happen. Shortly after they were instructed to enter the Justice Building where they could say their goodbyes.

I scan the crowd as it slowly beings to disperse in an orderly fashion outside of the square and I see Mr and Mrs Mellark make their way to the Justice Building and I also spot Prim and someone I assume to be her mother enter the building. I begin to make my way as I see Gale follow them closely. I recognize Gale because I've seen him buy bread with squirrels when I'm over Peeta's. I begin to quicken my pace to a light run in an attempt to get to the building in time but there are still too many people and I was standing at the other end of the square. I begin to panic as I start pushing people to the side as I begin to make a run for it second I got a clearing.

I made it up the stairs and-

"Who are you?" I'm questioned by a Peacekeeper. "Why are you running, you aren't supposed to be here."

"I'm here to see Peeta, I have to say-" I'm interrupted so abruptly.

"You heard me, you aren't supposed to be here, head back now."

"PLEASE, YOU HAVE TO LET ME IN… I KNOW HIM. PLEASE!" I'm panicking, im burning… I'm desperate… I need to see Peeta.

"Ma'am, Sorry I'm going to have to escort you off the platform. Remain her in the square or go back home" The Peacekeeper says as he grabs me by the arm and creates more distance between me and Peeta. With the doors now closed as I am released there was no possible way for me to reason my way in. I choose to remain in the square amongst the rest of the crowd hoping they would open the doors again.

What felt like an eternity another door to the building is opened and a crowd of people rush to get a glimpse of District 12's new tributes. I run in the direction screaming "PEETA!" As I see him beside Katniss no less and he cannot hear me above the crowds roar.

"PEETA WAIT! PEETAAAA, IT'S ME! IT'S ME ASHE!" I keep screaming in hysterics but to no avail, he still can't hear me and I can barely get any closer as they are escorted to a black armored vehicle.

"PEETA! PLEASE, PEETA WAIT..." It's too late He can't hear me, He is gone, concealed by tinted glass and driven away… taken away. The crowd disperses and I try to run after but even by then there was no point. I come to a holt. Stand still and try to catch my breath and look at the floor. The dust clouds from everyone's steps begin to settle as the square becomes silent.

I turn around to walk, my footsteps are heavy, I'm fixated on the floor. I stop and turn to look back. 'If only I had known. I would have told you my feelings, but maybe it's better that I don't burden you with my thoughts. If only I had known…' My gaze now stretched to the stage where he stood 'If I had known that I had spent the last of my time with you… what I would do for just one last time."

_Thanks, for reading, if you want let me know how you found it, I will try to update as much as I can. I don't really fancy myself a good writer but I thought of this story and I'm giving it a shot.! _


	2. Chapter 2 - Return

**Disclaimer: I still don't own any part of the Hunger Games and that's not going to change :)**

**CHAPTER 2: RETURN.**

"Ladies and Gentlemen, let us give a round of applause for our very own Victors back home to District 12, Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark!"

Crowds in District 12 look so happy, we didn't only win with a single tribute but two. Our District was right to be festive. I stood here lost within the crowd waving and clapping amongst the people as I watched Katniss and Peeta step off the train and meet everyone's faces. I didn't know what I was feeling right now, I was really happy Peeta could come back, he could come back to me and things could be just as they were. The smiles on their faces like they had never been so glad to be in 12 and there it was, Katniss taking his hand and raising it up high. I could see as he looked at her and return his attention to the masses even happier that He was now with whom he loved.

Moments later the crowds parted to form an aisle, I pushed through so I could get through to the edge and maybe get a better glimpse of our victors, maybe even Peeta will see me then. It seems like an eternity as I watch them glide through the people greeting them in tandem. Katniss ever so beautiful if she wasn't already elegantly waves as Peeta gestures with kindness and gratitude.  
The aisles weren't separated by Peacekeepers, for that I was glad, I would hate to have been stopped yet again. They were only meters away and I could feel myself become increasingly nervous, peoples screams of excitement become inaudible as I repeatedly called out to Peeta.

"Peeta! Peeta! PEETA! It's me! It's Ashe!" I called and called but I suppose they were still taken back by the crowd they couldn't fully process the people around them. That was when I decided I had to do something. I broke away from the crowd and ran to close the gap immediately.

"PEETA!" I embraced him so quickly he was shocked, not knowing who I was. He quickly prys me off and Katniss just watches as he joins her side. I slowly I raise my head and see that he begins to recognize me. His eyes light up and he smiles.

"Ashe! Thank you." Peeta says as He stands by Katniss.

"I'm so glad you came ba-" I begin to speak and I'm quickly apprehended by a Peacekeeper.

"Whoa, Whoa… don't hurt her!" He defends me. "I'll talk to you later, a little crazy right now" He says almost jokingly as I'm returned to my spot in the crowd.

I couldn't hear them converse but I Katniss as she quietly chatters to him while giving me a look of confusion as they continue to greet people. So close, yet so far. I would have liked to have more time to talk but it really wasn't the time or place. I have to just watch as he ventures off with his love. Eventually they reach a black armored vehicle, the crowds once again disperse as they board and drive off.

I stand there motionless, speechless. I really hoped for more. I have to be happy, for him, He survived the Hunger Games with Katniss no less. He looks so happy he finally has her.

**A few days later**

"Ashe! Peeta hasn't come by since returning to District 12, did you scare him off with that stunt of yours?" My mum glares at me.

"Mum, I'm sure that's not it, I'm sure he is busy adjusting to his new life." I try to explain, though I know she is upset given we don't receive anymore extra bread and there already isn't much food to go between the two of us. "He lives in the Victor's Village now Mum, that's not next door anymore and plus…" I stop as I realize what I'm about to say.

"Plus what?" She questions. "Katniss? Yes he has her now, you really did scare him off, just like your father" She growls.

"MUM! I didn't scare him off! He is doing what he needs to do…" I try to keep my calm. "I didn't even know Dad, I don't know why he left…" I wince. I thought about it carefully as turn my head away and make my way for the door. Maybe she was telling the truth… I haven't heard from or seen Peeta since. I wanted to see him… I needed to.

I made it out without being questioned or blamed further. I make my way to the dam and low and behold I see Peeta walk out of the bakery. His clothes were different, a dark shade of green and black. It was obvious clothes He received from the Capitol replaced his wardrobe; he pulled off the new combinations quite well I take a second to admire him. He notices me walking and called out to me.

"Ashe! Where you going? Wait up!" He lightly jogs to my side. "Come with me, we need to talk.

I nod my head and proceed to walk to our usual destination.

We walked in silence, I just wanted to savor his presence. He now lives much further from me and it's become apparent that I will not be able to see him as often. I also wonder why he hasn't said a word till we get to the dam and we both stand there facing each other. I sigh and I just wrap my arms around him tightly.

"I'm so glad Peeta, you're back!" Not letting go of my embrace I remain soaking it all in. I wasn't alone right now. "My best friend is back! I must be the luckiest person ever!" I was so happy I had this time between us. "Peeta?"

He finally returns my embrace, I was worried he wouldn't and he smiles before he rests his head on my shoulder. Minutes passed and we were just quiet and he finally lets go after minutes. I cannot make out what he is thinking but he doesn't seem as happy as I am.

"Ashe, Thanks for supporting me, I'm really glad I'm able to see you again and talk to you, after all I didn't see you after the reaping"

"Yeah about that…" We both decide to sit on the edge. "I wasn't allowed in but I kept trying to reach you even after… I didn't know what to think. You'd been reaped… with Katniss too" I couldn't face him after mentioning her, it hurt not knowing how I could tell him how I felt.

"It worked out in the end, it took her a while to come around too… We are luckier than most" A little smile crept up on his face as he thought of her.

"Well, look at you, bit irresistible Mr Victor you." I tease.

"What are you getting at?" He chuckles.

"Peeta, you guys made it out alive… I guess only you would fully understand what she has gone through and vice-versa, if your love for her saved you both… I don't see why she wouldn't end up feeling the same. I mean I would…" I stop before I say anything else.

"Wait what?" His tone becoming a little more serious.

"Peeta…" At this point he pulls me in with his arm around me. We are both just looking up at the sky.

"Is there something you want to tell me?" He asks ever so kindly, with that smile of his when he thinks he knows what's on my mind.

"If I say it it will screw up everything." I state as I wrap my arms around his waist."

"So you do? You love me?" He looks down trying to meet my eyes.

I say nothing but nod and bury my face in his chest so he can't see my tears forming.

"I'm sorry I can't return those feelings for you, but I'll always be here for you… when I can." He tightens his grip. "I wanted to tell you… I can't really hang out anymore given that we live a bit further apart now and Katniss… you know my heart belongs to her." It was always her, it had to be especially after the games. I couldn't find anything to say… there was nothing I could say. I was speechless beyond measure. The pain in my chest… I just got Peeta back and now I have to accept that He won't be fully mine. "Katniss, she loves me and not only that the Capitol are keeping a close eye on us after our little stunt at the end of the games… if they know I am with you, they will doubt our love and put you in danger… I can't risk that."

"Peeta, don't worry about me, you're all I've got… I love you because you are the only person I'm close to. I don't see myself with anyone else… you complete me. I couldn't say it before because I knew you loved her and maybe if you never spoke to her it would never happened but after the games. I have nothing else to lose now right?" I chuckle out of the irony of the situation. "Look at you now, handsome as ever all dressed up, same with her, beauty I can't even fathom, Peeta you're lucky."

"With a friend like you, yeah I am. I'm really sorry. We''ll talk when we can, I just don't think I can drop by like I used to. I'll still give you some bread… I've got you covered" He reassures me of his friendship and that's all I could really ask for, that He didn't want to lose me either. "I have to be back soon, whatta ya say, I walk you back home?"

"Peeta, promise you will though… I don't want to lose you. I don't think I can just sit here and watch. Promise me you will come back when you can?" I finally decide to meet his eyes with the sun setting behind him.

"I promise."

_Sorry for he late upload, caught up in all the end of year madness so I thought I'd make this one a little longer and I have already started chapter 3, Ashe reflects on what she see's during the Games before we get to kick off the victory tour. I didn't specify only hinted in this chapter but Katniss realizes her feelings for Peeta are real not long after the 74th Hunger Games, I'm still tryna work Her into the story but I will do so more during the events of "Catching Fire." Hope You guys are enjoying! Drop a review or thoughts! _  
_Thanks! _


	3. Chapter 3 - Recall

******Disclaimer: I still don't own any part of the Hunger Games and that's not going to change :)**

**CHAPTER 3: RECALL.**

It's been almost two weeks since I saw Peeta by my place. Not since I finally told him how I felt. He seemed to accept my feelings but maybe it isn't something he should be dealing with now or at all for that matter. All I ever do is seem to complicate situations. My mother was only seeing my father for extra food; He was already married with a family. They live on the other side of the District so I have no contact with my father at all. After I happened he refused to see my mother. For all I care I've seen them and not even known who he was. Peeta is different though; he probably is really busy with adjusting to his new life. It's all I see on the screens.

Their victory in the 74th Hunger Games and the key moments of the games, they also tend to show the lead up, from the Tribute Parade right up to the interviews. I missed the special show where they showed scenes during the tribute training sessions. They often have a lot of photoshoots together, boy do they look like a wonderful couple, its not just the amazing outfits the capitol provides, I mean it helps but I can see he really does love Katniss Everdeen and she… she needs him to survive the aftermath of the games. Even though I know that I need Peeta too.

It all started at the Tribute Parade… I don't know what they have been talking about but I could already see her begin to trust him, heck by the way he talks who wouldn't trust him. He showed the entire nation something they had never seen before. Tributes raising their hands in unison but for some strange reason those flames burned me, it was them two together and at the time I was almost certain one of them or neither of them would be coming home. I was likely never to see Peeta again.

I thought the interviews were something to see after all it was the first time I would get the chance to hear Peeta since we first spoke. I was proud of his score of 8, I'd wondered what he had showed them but I knew he was strong. He'd help me across the path to the dam and clear paths and perhaps all those years of moving sacks of flour paid off. I didn't pay much attention to the other tributes though I feared one of them would be the one to take my Peeta's life. Moment's later Katniss appears on stage and my jaw nearly drops, her dress was breath taking, Red with jewels to simulate sparks of the flame and I knew Peeta noticed her beauty long before the Capitol had this chance to ignite a flame that burned so bright that every nation could see her. There was no competition now; I'm just ordinary, from District 12 no more. She began to spin and fire spiraled around her such as they did at the parade it was a sight to see and then she spoke of her willingness to fight and to win for her sister… she also had reason to come back home. Perhaps Peeta would choose to let her do so.

Last but not least, the person I'd been dying to hear and see again makes his way to the stage – Peeta. He was his usual funny self, making jokes with Caesar; people would be foolish not to like him for that. This was interesting…

"Peeta, tell me is there a special girl at home?"

"No" It burned.

"Handsome boy like you, Peeta… tell me" Caesar insists.

"Well there is one girl…." I had hoped but I knew who he was going to talk about but silly me… why would I hope he would ever when I knew well He loved _her. _

"But I don't think she recognized me until the reaping…"

"Tell you what, you go out there, and you win this thing and when you get back, she'll have to go out with you! Am I right folks?" Caesar breaks out into laughter as he believes he has matched Peeta with his dream girl but We both knew that wasn't the case.

"I don't think winning is going to be in my favor because she came here with me."  
His answer struck like knives… it was cement even though I already knew but it was public knowledge now… not just a secret he kept with me, where was it going to go from there? How would Katniss react? Will she return his feelings? He would have never said anything about me as much as I would have wanted him to but I don't even know if he thought of me… he was with Katniss this whole time. While it lasts… this might be the best time of his life.

During the games I was concerned that Peeta decided to side with the careers and make it seem like he would hunt her down, but it did become apparent that he was willing to do anything to ensure he could keep an eye on her while she was still alive. If I were in the games to take her place if I had known he would have been reaped would Peeta say he loves me in order to protect me?

After Katniss dropped the Tracker Jacker nest and Peeta ran to her rescue in telling her to flee, I saw him pay for the weight of his actions and get his leg sliced deep. For days on end I could only see him suffer as he masked himself and hope not to hear a cannon and see his face in the sky. Katniss discovered Peeta soon after hearing that two tributes could return home as victors… finally some hope, that if Katniss could win the games with him… I could see Peeta again and then I could tell him how I felt. She nursed him in that cave and I could see them getting along. Peeta despite his ever-worsening condition would joke and tell her stories to bring them together. It was going to happen sooner or later, he had her. Was Katniss finally starting to fall for him? They kissed. I refused to count how many times but every time they did it stung, it burned. I still wanted him to come home, I was hoping she would retrieve the package from the feast so that some hope he could be healed. The next day and after plenty of close calls… Peeta looked healthy again, well fed, handsome, perhaps happier as they embraced and kissed at the hope that they would both come back home.

I don't know if Peeta meant it but he gave me plenty of heart attacks – as well as Katniss – nearing the finale of the games. The nightlock and the final confrontation with the tribute they called "Cato." When Katniss suggested they both eat the berries I could not breathe and I was only saved by the declaration of their victory. I couldn't however wait till they get home till the conclusion of their final interview. I stared at Katniss, beautiful, as she was, happy, holding Peeta's hand, professing her love for him and him to her. I had to know if this was real… but it sure seemed like it was.

"Ashe? ASHE?" Mother summons me back to reality from my constant thinking about the Hunger Games. "Will you quit sitting around and find us a decent meal? Collect your tesserae for the month, bout the only thing you are good for is doubling your take since Peeta no longer drops by with bread!"

"Mom, leave Peeta out of this… I'll go get it"

"Shouldn't have scared Peeta off that last time too! Selfish of you just to tell him how you feel and now you are just sitting around crying and waiting for him to notice you and come back!" She sounds more aggravated today… I've heard it all too many times and I'm starting to think it is true, what she says. "He won't come back, he has what he deserves and there's nothing you can do!"

I look at my mom, I don't have anything to say and I'm not angry as I leave, I have to work to make her happy, maybe in time she will come around, I have to think that maybe what she has been through has made her that way. It's cold now in District 12 and luckily I'm wrapped decently because we know how to knit but I'm not nearly as warm as Katniss Everdeen I imagine. I walk passed the baker on my way to the Justice Building via the Hob. I wonder, if my father is well off enough during this time but at least they have a family… a proper one, maybe some friends to go with. I'm walking wrapping my arms around myself trying to keep warm as I approach the collection center. From a distance I see a well-dressed Katniss Everdeen walk out of the Justice Building, who knows what she was doing there but she looked very well off, my eyes simply follow as she gracefully strides through the square to meet someone. She greets someone with an embrace and it seems as though that embrace is extended and met with a kiss and then it hits me. It's Peeta!

I'm hesitant to approach them and ruin the moment but they seem to be having some sort of a talk. After seconds of standing completely still and forgetting my reasons for being in the area I find myself slowly walking in their direction and she notices me. Her gaze shifts several times from me to Peeta as he unknowingly talks to her as I approach. I'm several meters away when he realized I have Katniss' attention and he turns around and sees me. I give a light wave pretending I have other business here but honestly I am not thinking of anything but a chance to have some peace with a few minutes with Peeta or well the two of them.

"You must be Ashe!" Katniss greets as Peeta returns my gesture and I'm now in their presence.

"Yeah" I chuckle to avoid them reading through my "I'm doing okay" face. "Wow I feel so underdressed next to you… it's such a nice and simple jacket and pants you are wearing but looking at that scarf of yours you are warm" I almost trail off admiring her outfit and turning to Peeta and gesturing that He too was well equipped for this cold. I could only imagine what it would be like to be so well off, I could get used to it… especially if I had Peeta with me. I let out another little laugh. "Sorry, It's just I'm not used to this, what brings you both here?" I awkwardly try to change the subject.

"Oh I just had a meeting with Effie regarding the Victory tour whilst Peeta get ingredients for dinner." Katniss answers.

"And I won't tell her what she is getting later, just like when I would surprise you, what are you doing here anyway?" Peeta lightly asks with his smile. I'm caught off guard by how relaxed they both seem to be and they seem to be getting along just fine and I'm also not sure of what I'm going to say.

"Ah well… ah" This is really awkward as I can see that they both seem interested that I'd be around. "I was out to get more candles, grain and oil" I mention quite embarrassed I might be going red "Victory Tour? Wow… sound's grand this time right? Anyways It was nice seeing you Peeta and meeting you Katniss" I gently take her hand to shake it. "I have to be home soon, you know how Mom is Peeta" I joke. Truth be told I might as well get out of there before I start talking nonsense, I'm so nervous. I stand there looking at Peeta, I don't know if I can hug him, I want to… I can feel my body ache for an embrace but I decide to just wave but He takes me closer and gives me a short embrace and it feels so warm. So good and for the split second peaceful and I look at Katniss as she observes me and I blush but it' is too cold to notice. I give a short smile and gesture that I'll be off. We say some small farewell and I wish them luck on the Victory Tour. As I walk off with them behind me I tell myself to keep walking and not look back. I can't help but feel their gaze on me and as it persisted I take a second to look back and I notice a concerned look on his face as he talks to Katniss about something in audible to me and I can't be sure but I could swear I saw pity in her eyes.

I continue to walk on and only one-thought plagues my mind, Peeta will be out of town again and televised. I will have to watch them together much like today, again. If it was possible I wish they hadn't noticed me, I feel so embarrassed and lesser than I did when I walked out. I would have been fine just seeing them from a distance… I'm burning so much that it might as well be enough to keep me warm. I turn back one more time, he has his arm around her as they leave the square and I can only stare as I desire having my companion with me once more.

"Victory Tour… how lucky…?"

_Well that took longer to get out than I expected, I hope you liked this one... I really want to try getting these up faster but I'm almost up to the event's of Catching Fire and IMO the better part of what I have in mind. Feel free to leave a comment/review tell me how you think it's going!_


	4. Chapter 4 - Victory Tour

**Disclaimer: I still don't a single bit of the awesomeness that is The Hunger Games and yeah that's how it is. **

**CHAPTER 4: VICTORY TOUR**

A few weeks is a long time for anything to happen and the Victory Tour starts in a few days, maybe today is worth the trek to the Victor's Village. I know Peeta can't see me as often anymore but we can't know for sure unless we try... seems unfair if he can still see his other friends. I guess I understand him though, if he is trying to keep me out of harms way, but this is still just as bad as any form of punishment. It's torture not being able to see or talk to him, not mention knowing he becomes closer to Katniss every second – this is the highest form of torture for me. Nothing else matters, I don't care if I'm someone's illegitimate child or my mother is bi-polar, I just want Peeta to love me the way I love him, that or, at least be the way we were.

I finally muster the strength to fight the cold and get up out of bed and get ready to leave the house. This cold just doesn't relent. I step out of my room and my mom must be at the hob so early in the morning, that's good, never know what mood she will be in and with any luck the first person I get to speak to today will be Peeta. I've tied the laces on my boots and I brace myself for the cold as I step outside and make my way for Victor's Village.

I finally reach the village and I just stand at the entrance, it looks deserted as such but at the same time these were most beautiful houses I'd have seen, aside from what was otherwise televised. Peeta's family was well off given they had a bakery. As for me, my place was a joke. Katniss now lives several steps from Peeta, that is, providing she isn't staying with him, as his family doesn't appear to have left. I wanted to re-think coming here, the sight of this place was another reminder of what I do not have, but then again I don't even know what it's like to be so privileged.

I turn away thinking I should probably just go back to the hob to eat but the walk would be a waste of time so I decide to proceed, I don't know where to go so I proceed to one of the homes and I am hissed at by some cat and then I see Prim through a window. I change my trajectory deciding that was Katniss' place and maybe It would make sense for Peeta to live right across from her. I make my way for the house across and after some examination I can see that it was a home to someone. I can't hear anyone inside or maybe the doors are thicker than what I am used to that I simply can't hear through them. I knock about 3 times and moments later I hear someone walking down the stairs. I start burning and becoming nervous because of my lack of any real reason for being here except for the fact I want some company. If I simply wanted to get out I would have just gone to the dam by myself. The footsteps are right by the door and I focus on the handle as it turns open.

"Hi. Ashe right?" To my surprise my heart stops as Katniss Everdeen opened the door.

"Katniss! Hi, I'm sorry do you live here?" I ask feeling somewhat confused and nervous at the same time.

"No, no, this is Peeta's place, I am guessing you noticed Prims cat outside mine, come inside… Peeta is still asleep, It's so cold outside." Katniss welcomes me quite warmly, fixing herself up as she opens the door further to let me in. "Peeta insists on sleeping with one window open, I don't know how he does it…" she rants, I wonder why she is so nice to me. "Can I get you anything?" She asks. "Oh, actually I'll make you some hot chocolate, you gotta try some of that. It will keep you warm too."

"Hot chocolate?" I'm puzzled, I haven't really had much chocolate either…only very few times on Peeta's frosting but it sure sounded interesting, they must've tried some of it during their time in the Capitol.

"Yeah, it's a drink" Katniss says as she prepares 3 cups. "I'm not as good as Peeta when it comes to making it, or anything for that matter… but it will have to do." Katniss muses while she turns her gaze upstairs to her sleeping partner.

"So do you live here with Peeta?" I nervously ask, not sure if that is information I want to know, let alone be allowed to know.

"Oh no, no…" She chuckles… "I just… sometimes I stay over…" She now seems a bit troubled not wanting to say everything.

"Oh it's okay, sorry I asked… I understand."

"Thank you…" She smiles as she moves a cup to my end of bench in Peeta's kitchen. "Just stir it for a bit and when it's warm give it a try."

As I stir in silence we both hear some movement upstairs and we assume Peeta was up by now. He makes his way down the stairs moderately dressed. "Katniss? Who are you talking to? Who's here?" He questions as if he was already getting ready when he realized she let someone in. "Where are you?" He says as he turns the corner.

"Right here, silly..." She greets him with a smile, and gestures to his cup, sipping on her own. "Morning Peeta, look who came to drop by!" She looks at me as I turn sipping on my hot chocolate and give Peeta an awkward wave. He slowly makes his way over to us greeting Katniss with a small kiss. I sit there trying to be focused on this cup.

"Wow, this is really really nice" I blush putting the cup down to avoid chugging it down and burning my throat while I'm at it. "Morning sleepy head" I smile. "Thanks for this Katniss…"

"Hey, morning Ashe." He smiles "Why are you here?"

"Dropping by, obviously." Katniss interrupts "Any way, I have to be back home, I'll be back later, love… I'll leave you two to catch up." She says comically as she takes her leave kissing Peeta again.

I'm speechless and nervous inside. I've known Peeta for so long, why is it only now that I feel this way, maybe because I know he knows how I feel? "I had nothing else planned for today, I haven't seen you in a while so I thought I'd pop by… is that okay?" I ask ever so hesitantly hoping I don't upset him for ruining a morning waking up to Katniss. Or so I think that's how it would go?

"Ashe… thanks for dropping by" He gives me a light hug and sits down next to me. "How are you? Are you okay?" He asks concerned. I take a minute to think about what I'm going to say but I'm also processing how lucky the two of them are, their lives seem to be going rather well, given they were just in the Hunger Games and they are becoming closer… much closer than I thought they would be even by this point...

"I'm okay…" I finally become audible. "It's just kinda lonely… I know I could go a few days not seeing you but it's harder not knowing what to do now. I don't even know if I can visit you or if it's what you want… I just want things to be how they were before, I just want to talk…" I'm staring at this cup of hot chocolate and how wonderful it is, and thinking about how opposite my life is.

Peeta is looking really concerned now. "It's okay, you can come by, you're welcome here too… " He lets out. "Lets go by that couch, and bring your cup too" He says as he helps me up and we migrate to his couch. After we rest the cups on his coffee table he puts an arm around me so I can rest my head on his shoulder. "I miss those times too, and things are hard for me… and for Katniss too, but we manage to help ourselves through, I'm lucky things aren't as hard to get through"

At least He has Katniss, and I know his experience in the games is something I will never understand and that she will be the only one who can. It dwarfs my life's experiences… but they are both lucky. They have each other and I have no one. "You look like a total wreck though, Ashe? Something you want to tell me?"

I hesitate knowing my voice would crack if I speak, but I try anyway. "Mom's just a bit harsh these days, keeps bringing up Dad… I dunno… I miss you Peeta, that's all I think about" I'm becoming really nervous as I continue to tell him what's on my mind. "I'm sorry I know you have plenty to deal with right now, but you're all I've got and these issues are petty, if anything it feels better just being here though… this place is so… nice, Nothing I'm used to but… I could surely get used to this really quickly," I say as my eyes scan his living room.

"Ashe… I know… and I know how you feel about… _us_… I don't want to ask you to leave my life, that's why I'm letting you come by… but we can't push it. I know it's not something you want to do, I don't want to do this either." Peeta begins to rub my shoulder. "Katniss took a while to come around and she told me that she was starting to love me and she had to get used to it too… and as for me I still love her the same. I can't love you the way you want me to. But I promised, you are still my friend. You are stronger than you know… you can still smile like we used to" He looks down reassuring me that things would be okay. I nod in silence and just lean on him cherishing this time I have with him.

I want to tell him that I'll always love him, I'm burning to strike a deal with him for him to let me stay…for him to love me but I remember what He said about Katniss, she isn't a bad person, quite beautiful actually and very pretty. I have to keep in mind her feelings and I can't be selfish about my feeling's I'm sure Peeta would change his mind if I tried taking him from her… his dreams and exile me – I could never live if that happened. I should just take what I can have no matter how little, I never knew what it was like to have much anyway right?

He lets me stay for a few hours… we talk and talk and even manages to get me to smile again. I got to try some nicer foods too and learned more about what happened in our time apart and about Katniss. I don't think I could hate her, even if I was jealous of her. Peeta told me, he explained to her who I was and where I've come from, she seems to understand. And if she really does love Peeta, I'm not sure I could take him from her. I really am getting used to being this close to him though but I realize that the walk home will be a long one I don't want to get home when it is too dark.

"Thanks for letting me stay Peeta, I really enjoyed that." I stare at the floor, I don't really want to leave either.

"Don't forget the bread" Peeta, picks it up from the bench in his kitchen and hands it over to me in a paper bag. "Remember smile yeah? Things will be okay" He assures giving me a hug outside his door.

I turn and make my leave from the village feeling a bit lighter. I wish I could just stay. As I've made it a fair distance I turn back admiring how fortunate the two are… and I notice Katniss once again entering his home and I feel like I should just get back home, feeling that I wish I could be in her shoes and be warm for a night.

It's days later that I'm viewing the beginning of the Victory Tour and I watch the broadcast as everyone in the Capitol including Caesar seems so excited to be hearing from our victors again. Katniss and Peeta look so nice on television… together, even when they fell on ice and kissing… live. I don't know why I continued to watch as they begin their tour but while I was apart from Peeta, which would be the only time I get to hear from him. My mom had noticed how obsessed I had become with wishing I could be with him… she understands but sometimes she nags… she was however grateful for the loaves of bread Peeta gave me the other day, even if she didn't like the idea that I dropped by his place, almost forbid me from doing so again. Something about it being inconsiderate and the more I thought of it… maybe it was.

I continued to watch the different steps of their journey… it was different this year… Katniss and Peeta seemed to impact the Capitol differently but more so the Districts. Who knows what their influence would cause but either way… the games would be different after this… for sure.

The victory tour was near it's end and a surprise broadcast was brought to my attention when Caesar Flickerman seems ecstatic with some new news, what could it be?

"With the end of their Victory Tour, our two 'Lethal Lovers' have surprised us…" He laughs. "with a new twist in their love affair… lets take a look!" As Caesar gestures to an area on the screen where I see Peeta facing Katniss. I'm watching intently wondering if I'll hear Peeta's voice again but my heart stops. He begins to kneel and pull out a ring and the look on Katniss' face becomes bright red... as does mine. I can't breathe and I switch off the monitor and slam myself on my excuse of a bed. Unable to breathe and hold myself together as I wrap my arms around myself trying to gain control of my shaking and fidgeting, I begin to cry and exhale quite audibly. I'm thankful that my mom does not bother me but she did switch it back on to hear the rest. I block it out as I continue to sob. I'm really burning inside I don't know what to think or feel… it's like I have nothing… Peeta he, isn't ever going to be mine… was there ever any hope? The entire scene just replays in my head, how happy Caesar is… how surprised and how happy Katniss is. I should be happy about their engagement… but that's the thing… it's them now… they are the ones that are engaged. As for Peeta… He isn't going to me with me. A lot _can_ happen in a few weeks…

"Peeta… I'll love you just as much… you're my victor, if only I had just one chance to show you…" I eventually fall into a sleep out of sobbing for a few hours, feeling lesser as the seconds go by.

_Hopefully that wasn't too intense and hopefully you 'liked' that chapter. Let me know how you found it in a review or pm? I've already started Chapter 5, but I might wait till I get another review or so before I post it! Find out what happens after They get back? Stay Tuned and a very big thanks to anyone who has been keeping up to date. It is very much appreciated! _


	5. Chapter 5 - Alone

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own the Hunger games... just my humble addition.**

**CHAPTER 5: ALONE**

I woke up curled up, still in the clothes I was in the night before. Tears dried. Cold, exhausted, hungry and alone. Wonder where Mom went so early, probably the Hob trying to sell scarves she knit. I hadn't even helped her lately but you wonder why. After I was ready to leave I decided a single loaf of bread and a cup of water would do just fine. As I grabbed the loaf I realized where it came from and who made it. I froze and stared at it… Peeta. I'm still trying to process the events that unfolded before my eyes.

I felt so detached, it was screened to all of Panem and Peeta didn't even tell me he was planning to, maybe then I would have been prepared but would I have said anything? Would I ask him to change his mind and give me a chance? It's too late now… It's too selfish of me to do this now. I decide to start eating and walk out to the dam, just so I can sit on my own.

So let me get this straight. I saw Peeta at his place and Katniss was over… for reasons I cannot fully understand why she is staying over, everything seems okay on the surface… and neither of them have really said anything about was really happened in the arena. Perhaps I would never understand it… unless I volunteer as tribute for the next Hunger Games and at least that way Peeta could be my mentor… but how would I win… I stand even less of a chance. What am I gonna do, knit my way into victory? Would Katniss and Peeta help me in the arena like Haymitch did for them? But how else am I going to connect with Peeta from now on? How else will it be safe for us to talk again?

Then there are the events of last night. I continue walking almost bumping into people because I'm stuck in my head. I can't even say sorry… I want to but I feel like I'm locked away in my mind for now. The words won't come out… so I just receive looks saying that I should "watch it." I can't stop replaying the scene though… Peeta kneeling and revealing that ring, over and over again. Then there is Katniss' expression. The star-crossed lovers of District 12… they really did save each other. I didn't see the ring… but I'm sure it looks marvelous and I would be lucky to see one let alone receive one. My mother doesn't even have anything nearly as valuable… what about my father's wife? I wonder if she might possess anything nearly as beautiful as I imagine.

I've reached the entrance to the dam and I decide to make my disappearance swift as to not be seen and I sit on the edge. It is no long drop till the water, its not very high at all, nor is it deep… Peeta and I even doubt that it is useful anymore… I have that in common with this place - good for nothing. It is undeniably peaceful here though.

The ritual continues for days on end. I'm here everyday… I'm free to think of how much I want Peeta to be here with me like the way we were just before the games. Perhaps then I stood a chance, if I stuck around long enough for him to love me because He never spoke to Katniss. Or would he live the rest of his life in pain because He couldn't save her in the arena or that she – like him – is now out of my reach.

I sit here in silence and alone… no one to disturb the peace. It is the only way I can contain the storm inside. I want to scream but nothing comes out. I'm speechless. I haven't said a word this entire time. I try to let out anything but a pain seems to lock my vocals. I try and try but nothing… it's only a matter of time till I give in to this silence… it's only a matter of time till I realize there is nothing else to say. I sit here just watching. The most painful thing to watch is sunset. Peeta's favorite thing about thing about this spot of ours, the entire cycle of the sun from its rise and set is visible… nothing or no one to block its path much less the colors that paint the sky. Despite the pain that comes with seeing this beauty on my own is that I am reminded of what He used to tell me sometimes.

_"Hey you wanna see something? Look up. All those colors, it's incredible isn't it? Don't have to worry about a thing… it's okay."_

When I think of Peeta saying that… I almost coax myself into thinking that he is saying it to me right now… maybe if he were here he would be. But would things be okay? The funny thing is with Peeta everything feels that way… things will be okay when you're with him and they always are. I almost smile then I remember He isn't with me… even when he gets back, He will be with Katniss… with Katniss.

Day's later… I'm on my way ignoring my mother nagging yet again, not saying a word. Something is different about today… what could it be? The streets seem a little less busy and I see children running for the square. I'd been doing the same thing for days. I could afford a change. I don't bother asking anyone what is going on because I still haven't uttered a single word. I make my way to the square.

Once the Justice Building was in sight I see Effie Trinket yet again dressed in another fancy outfit from the Capitol. This appearance could only mean one thing: The end of the Victory Tour, Katniss and Peeta… my Peeta are back!  
Moment's later the District cheers much louder as our Star-crossed lovers emerge from behind those doors congratulating them on their engagement. I'm standing amongst the crowd and I feel like I'm going to stay as usual but I see her smile and take his hand in the air and the cheers grow louder and Peeta decides to bring them down and pulls her in for a kiss. That's it. I thought I could stay… I'm shaking I almost raise my hands to my face and start tearing the skin from my flesh instead I grab my arms in a desperate attempt to restrain myself and I turn and run… pushing people aside. I didn't care and I also don't know if I was able to escape unnoticed but then again that was not very incognito.

It didn't matter… minutes later I reached my destination. I'm still holding myself and I lean myself on a wall below the dam sitting on some rocks just above the waterline. I'll stay here for now. Catching my breath… a few tears escape my eyes and I don't bother wiping them. They fall to the water disturbing the peace my reflection becoming distorted by the ripples.

_Peeta…_

I'm leaning on the side of the dam and I sit there just as any other day and let the clock tick.

Hours later I'm throwing pebbles into the water… the ripples amused me… it was different… each throw… I try to put an ounce of my pain and for now it works… until… ****SNAP****

What was that… I think the merits of being here days on end allowed me to recognize the sound of my surroundings and rarely ever will a twig break and pebbles roll… someone was here. I see the silhouette of a male's head over the dam and I make a run for the other side leading into the woods. Who could have found this place? This was my hiding place…

"Hey!" The male calls as he runs after me. "Wait up…!" I believed I was well concealed by the trees but I wasn't. I couldn't run anymore… his footsteps already so close, they were fast… and they stop. I believe I've been spotted.  
"Hey… hey hey hey…" the voice is calming… it's so familiar. Of course it is… I know it… "Easy… easy… I'm not gonna hurt you… Ashe?" It's Peeta… I haven't seen him yet, my eyes are closed… back against the tree, hoping he decides it isn't me and walks off.

Footsteps crush the ice, break a few twigs… they are right behind me… please don't look at me… not now. Peeta not now… please… not like this… why are you even here… the words play in my head begging to be said… but I can't. I'm bracing myself. He rests a hand on my arm; my eyes shoot open as I begin to flail.  
If not for how strong Peeta is I might have hit him… but instead he controls me and brings me into a tight embrace.

"Ashe… easy… it's me… Peeta." He breaks the silence but he is still holding me in place, my heavy breathing implying I haven't calmed down but I am held in place by his grip. "I didn't find you at home… this is the only place I knew I'd find you…" He continues… but why did he even start looking for me in the first place?  
"It's okay now… I'm here" He begins patting my back, still holding me in place… I dare not open my eyes for fear of contact with his.

"Ashe?"

"Talk to me."

"What's the matter?"

"Ashe?"

He keeps asking but I don't answer. He pulls away still holding my arms in place so as to lightly restrain them from further lashing out… I feel his gaze… his attention all focused on me… it burns. I turn my head to the side and slowly decide to open my eyes. Obviously he is looking at me trying to capture my eyes, wanting me to look into his orbs. It only takes a minute for him to succeed and when he does, he lets out a little smile of relief but a second later for concern to return to his face. I realize that I'm a mess, probably dark circles under my eyes, red because of all the tears dirt and dried tears as makeshift foundation across my cheeks. He pulls me in again.

"I wanted to tell you… I'm sorry… Ashe I really am…" He understands me… he knows what is causing me to be locked inside my shell and he is trying break down it's walls. "Ashe… please say something… I know you haven't said anything in days" He is almost panicked. Peeta has never seen me like this and all I can do… is stare blankly back at him… only inside I am also reaching out… my lips… my jaw… they begin to move but nothing comes out.

"P…" I manage minutes later. We are both on the ground. He is still holding me. "ta….P…Pete... Peeta…" I'm like a baby being taught her first words. "Peeta…" I love at him and pull him close. "I… I need you."

"I'm here… I'm here… it's okay" Holding me tight again. "Please don't be mad… please understand us… I didn't do this to hurt you… I promise…" He looks down at me. "I can't say why… but we had to."

"Peeta… but why? D… do you not love… m… eachother?"

"I do…we do… but I can't tell you why I proposed so soon… promise me you will understand? Don't go looking for answers?" He asks. I admit it was hard for me to hear this so soon but Peeta already knew that I was crushed… my dreams and my feelings were crushed by the proposal alone. Now he isn't denying that he wanted it to happen and it would have happened eventually… but there are reasons I can't know as to why it had to be done. "Please… I'll tell you everything you need to know… just when I say."

"O…okay." I look down and lean on him

"Thank you… you're still my best friend… I promised you. Remember?"

"Ye…yes"

"Let's get you back home… I need to be back… People can't know we were here." Peeta pulls us up… covers his face with scarf by pulling it over his mouth, arm around me and I'm the only one that can hear him. "Come see me soon… Katniss…" _Her. _"Katniss and I have things we need to tell you…"

_This was a really difficult chapter to write... I think my brain melted... The girl on fire is too hot she fried my circuits... Okay that was rather lame but I really hope this update will do for now... I think it does set up further events in Catching Fire and I promise Chapter 6 will be much more enjoyable! PROMISE! I'll try to have it up soon too. Don't worry I won't be forsaking the entire plot line too it will have an ending. Just not now. I also wanted to thank the people who sent in the few reviews. I really appreciate it, I'm glad you 'enjoy' reading it even though I have a friend who is almost going to kill me if I continue ripping the heart. Haha... ummm. Well anyways thank you once again! Leave me a comment, review... what ever you want to call it and let me know what you think! I'll post up 6 as soon as possible! Stay Tuned for what Peeta and Katniss have to say! _


	6. Chapter 6 - Secrets

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own the Hunger games... just my humble addition.**

**CHAPTER 6: SECRETS.**

I'm a little taken back by Peeta's offer to have me visit. I'm nervous and it sends shivers down my spine just thinking about it. I don't know if what our heroic duo have to say is something I want to hear or what I need to hear, I suppose it is the latter and I won't like it. I'm up earlier than I normally am and I make a quick exit just barely acknowledging my mother, it is almost unfair of me to naturally limit my interactions with her, for the passed few days she has been her good self. I have been avoiding her bad side instinctively but maybe she is happy I finally have a voice again.

The ice has begun to melt, the days aren't as cold almost in conjunction with how my life is – I don't feel completely alone. I spend half the morning at the usual place thinking if I would ever take Peeta up on the offer. He is barely ever at the bakery and if he is, I miss him every time, that or I assume he does his share of baking at the Victor's Village. Maybe this is what I've been waiting for as I sit here on my own, Peeta won't come down here as often anymore even though this is the only place I feel completely alone with him He has somewhere new…. He has someone new. I sit here waiting and hoping the baker boy would come but the truth is Peeta isn't coming. I have waited till I can't wait anymore, my only option is to go him, when I can't stand having not seen him for a while – when I must confront my fear and hear what he… what they have to say.

My mind was made up long ago; maybe on the way back even pick up my monthly share of tesserae. How lucky for them to not have to worry about living on such simplicity and basics. I'm already out and the way to Victor's Village is not as far if I had travelled directly from my place. Once I reach the entrance I notice that beyond the homes two people heavily resembling our star-crossed lovers are heading for the woods, obviously no one being home I speed up my pace and follow them. I can't but help but feel wrong about interrupting whatever they are up to but maybe not everything they do together is as romantic as televised so am I being intrusive? How will I explain my presence? My walk all the way here may as well not be wasted and the time taken to get here has been ample time enough for me to confront my fears and hear what they have to say. I reach the woods and I'm grateful the open is actually visible on the other side of the trees. The valley heads downward allowing a view of mountains surrounding District 12 before the open space is closed by another part of the woods, it is quite remarkable and I have never been to this part of the trees guarding the district. As I make my way through the trees ever so silently I can hear Katniss and Peeta's laughter together, what ever it was they were on about they have grown close, much closer than I would have ever guessed. Katniss could very well be closer to Peeta than I ever was in so little time.

I'm almost discouraged to talk to them, it's bad enough I followed them this far so I guess I'm beyond the point of no return. I've reached the edge of the trees and I watch as they walk in each other's arms chattering until Katniss just slipped. It was almost slow motion and I couldn't quite explain how it happened but Peeta sure reacted quick as he forced himself to fall with her and land with her landing like a feather on his chest while Peeta took the fall. I was amazed and I think I was blushing. She gets up to support her self but they do nothing but stare at each other for a second, smile and she leans in for a kiss. It took a few seconds to register that they were sharing an intimate moment and I suppose I wished I was in her shoes right now, but I fling myself back against the tree. That however had gotten the effect, my back made a noise as I hit the tree, breaking bark. I could even tell they were alarmed and I stayed concealed as I assume they are scanning their surroundings for assailants. I could hear them laugh as they finally decided they were safe. I decide to emerge from the shadows of the trees and approach them.

"Peeta!" I call out. "I saw you two head this way and I came to visit, so I followed… I'm sorry!" I apologize as I approach and close the gap between the star crossed lovers and myself. "I know its kinda bad timing… but I couldn't stop thinking about the last time we spoke." I turn my head to the side avoiding eye contact but I shyly look back at them. "Sorry…"

"No no no no" Katniss chirps and laughs. "Peeta, told you we had something to say?" Peeta nods and was about to say something but Katniss isn't finished… "Peeta… let me talk to her, please" I'm almost nervous now that I have to hear it from Katniss.

"Oh okay. I'll meet you two back at the house" He smiles as he begins to walk off. "Katniss… don't forget about... later… don't be late." I almost ask him to stay but I'm a little too nervous for my liking and I don't know what I've gotten myself into.

"Ashe, thank you… we were beginning to think you wouldn't pop by… but I understand this isn't easy for you." She looks at me with a much more apologetic expression then I expected. "Peeta told me everything by now, I know you care for him… and I know you also-"

"I'm not trying to take Peeta from you or anything. I'm not trying anything" I surrender defensively, cheeks red and I'm shaking. "I promise Katniss, I'm sorry… I'm sorry, that's not why I'm here. I promise" Words keep pouring out, I'm scared she will tear me a new one with an arrow.

"Calm down" she rests her hands on my shoulders. "I know… I believe you." She says as her eyes trail off to where Peeta headed off. "I just know this isn't easy for you… but I also wanted to tell you that I do love him…" She is now just staring at the floor as she gestures that we go for a walk. "It was hard at first…. The games… the cameras… and staying alive, If Peeta never said he loved me I don't think either of us would have made it back home." She continues. "And after I realized that I loved him too, after all I knew he helped me that one time when I was starving… he gave me bread" He did? I hadn't known this… he never told me. "I started to love him too… he might be the only person that could understand me after what we had been through." I couldn't say anything but only remind her that I was still listening. "But what I wanted to tell you… no ask of you, it's not easy Ashe, Peeta was dreading asking this of you."

Oh no… not what I think it is… not Peeta, not out of my life, out of my reach. I can feel my insides tighten bracing myself for the impact. "Peeta, no we… didn't want to ask you to leave… but please… just for your safety… see, the Capitol don't believe we are in love… but we are... and people could be killed." Katniss frowns. "And Peeta wants you to be safe… don't spend too much time with him he asks, he doesn't want you gone either… but he also sees that I hurt you by being with him… I'm sorry." She apologizes "I don't mean to take him from you either… but we need each other to survive…"

I couldn't say anything… I fall to the ground and sit motionless for a minute or two. "Katniss… I know… they are serious about these things… I just don't know what I'm doing anymore… Peeta's all I think about… and I know he is happy with you…" I admit. "But I guess I still hold on to him because I want to be with him but I can't without harming you or risking anyone's safety and… I… I don't know." I do know. I have nothing and I'm really a no one in the bigger scheme of things.

"Ashe…" she joins me on the moist grass and melting ice.

"I don't want to screw things up anymore than I already have… I won't bother you… I promise… please… please just don't hurt me…" I don't actually know what I'm saying anymore I just say anything trying to escape this abyss inside of me that threatens to immobilize me and slowly drown me inside.

"We don't want to do that… I promise Ashe… I know we have already, but Peeta still cares about you…"

"Why are you so nice?" I look up to meet her gentle stare. "Why Katniss? How come you don't just tell me to back off or go away?"

"Because… Peeta cares… and because… I felt the same about Gale before Prim was reaped… He is still my best friend but… he understands that I love Peeta…"  
She tells me. "I don't know if that is more screwed up… and I know there are things that I'm not willing to let go of… but I just know that I need Peeta… I'm sorry for taking him from you…" She looks away so gracefully. "We just wanted you to know the risks are higher now… but that Peeta wants to keep you as close as he can… but I think it is further than you think where it is safe."

I stay silent. Peeta is all that I have, the only constant person in my life. My mother is always unpredictable and I have no father to care for me, instead I live with the knowledge that he could be near or far loving another wife and a set of children. Now I'm forced to watch Peeta love someone else… but maybe Peeta deserves the person he loves most… they are both lucky to have each other. What luck do I have? I'm an illegitimate child that ruined even my mother's temporary happiness that she might have more of a means of survival; instead she has to burden me alone. I'm pitied by this girl sitting by me, the girl I've seen walk by my place… across the yard at school… a girl with a voice that causes the birds to be silent and listen. The winner of the Hunger games and the girl on fire who won the heart of the one person I wanted to love me the way I could only dream of. To hold me the way he did her…

"Ashe… it's not the end of the story yet…" Katniss assures as she gets up. "Thank you for listening… I'm sorry it isn't easier and I wish I had better things to tell you. I need to be back home and get ready for a photo shoot with possible wedding dress-" She cuts herself off as she realizes a reminder of their engagement might trigger something "I'm sorry…" she says as I rise and head back in the same direction. "Go back to Peeta for now… I think you want some time with him too right?" She smiles as if allowing me some peace of mind.

I thank her with a nod as we journey back to the village. I still cannot understand why miss Everdeen would care half as much as I'd hope Peeta would. Even when we were kids, Delly and some of the other boys would play with us but or I would see them playing with each other and I knew back then that they didn't really like me as much as they liked playing with Peeta. I don't know why Peeta even liked spending time with me the most though… I was just happy he did He made life so much lighter and if he was with me I felt like I'd get through.

Katniss left my side elegantly as she made her way to her own home prepared to meet guests from the Capitol. I approached Peeta's home and he opens the door just before I announce my presence my knocking on his door.

"Ashe…" He looks at me. "Come inside." As soon as he shuts the door he wastes no time in embracing me. "I'm sorry…" He tightens his hold on me but it doesn't bother me… I could get used to this embrace but his reasons for holding me this way differ to what I long for. "I hope you understand… I need to keep you safe… and I know you want to be here with me but you can't…"

"Peeta… don't leave me behind… don't go where I can't follow… Peeta… I need you too…"

"It's too late… I'm sorry." He breaks away from my embrace but his hands still firm and he looks me in the eye. "I love her… and I need to take care of her, we need each other to survive."

"I know… I know I'm being selfish… but Peeta! I don't have anyone left that I know that really cares for me… it's just you isn't it? Peeta?"

"I do… I just can't be around the way I used to be and I might not ever be around in future… I had to warn you while I could before things change even more, and I know you don't want things to go that way… but they will." Peeta grimaces.

"Do they have to? Peeta… just tell me one thing… just once then… please." I brace myself as I ask the impossible of him. "Tell me once that you love me… please… I just want to hear it…" I want to know what it sounds like and I feel like I'm going insane. Desperate for the love of someone that can't love me back. "Also… one more thing… please Peeta… kiss me.." I bite my lips as I curse those words leave my lips. "I…. just once… please…" Tears begin to fall from my eyes as I begin to shiver and regret everything I've just said and am almost positive that I've ruined my friendship with the only person I had left.

"Ashe…" He looks down biting his lip…"If none of this happened I might have ended up loving you." He pulls me in for another embrace and pulls back. He says nothing but he is looking at me and he begins to close the gap between us and closes his eyes. "Just once…" He whispers as his lips collide with mine.

That was my first kiss… I'm burning inside. I'm biting and tracing my lips with my tongue hoping to taste him again. He was sweet and soft and gentle yet so strong and real. I open my eyes slowly and meet his eyes and I quickly avoid them by pulling him in for another embrace, this time only tighter and I'm sobbing into his shoulder.

"Peeta… I'm sorry…I'm sorry… I shouldn't have…"

"It's okay… you might not get another chance to tell me everything…" He comforts me but holding me just as tight as I continue to sob for a few more minutes.

To both our surprise, the man they refer to as Cinna knocks and opens the door only to see me crying in Peeta's arms. "Sorry… I know this is a difficult time, but Peeta you are needed at the shoot" He says swiftly but gently as he leaves to give me a chance to pull myself together. "I'll have your outfit waiting for you."

"Guess, this is it?" I ask when I have my sob half under my control as I'm still trying to catch my breath. "Goodbye?" I ask with teary eyes.

"No, silly… I'll see you… when I do. We just need to be careful." Peeta says showing me the smile that had me from the start, the smile that told me everything was going to work out. He walks me out. "Ashe… just… take it easy."  
I nod with teary eyes and turn my back to make my way back home.

I do nothing but think about the two of them, how sympathetic they both were. Why? So that was love… that's what Katniss can feel… that's what I took from my mother… what my father does for someone else, what Peeta shows to Katniss. I could have gotten used to that… being in love with someone that made everything okay. I can see why Katniss loves Peeta the way she does and how she grew to love him more. I only ever hoped He would love me that way but I have never been so desperate but I can't take it away from anyone else. My existence took that away from my mother despite how wrong it was… I can't even tell her I'm sorry. I'm holding my arms as I make my way home after I've allocated time to collecting my tesserae. I continue to think of how fortunate Katniss and her family is to not have to rely on tesserae and that she has Peeta to care for her. I have to accept that I have no one, no one who needs me no one who will dare show me the love that I crave… Peeta would never show me that act of love ever again no matter how much I want him to.

My home is finally in sight but the door is left open and I become slightly panicked, and I notice that people begin to stare. The door is never left open. I enter and it's so quiet I'd hear a pin drop. I'm walking through the house as the floorboards creak… my foot step becomes damp and sticky. I look down and see red, red splattered across the floor and there it was… what had happened, what I was looking for by the wall outside of my room.

My mom… she was shot.

_I really apologise for leaving an update for so long! I feel like I've had writers block and there is probably evidence of that in this chapter and that's why I chose to end with such a cliff hanger. I do want to make a shout out to any one who added a review, as always very much appreciated and yeah I've put thought into how I want the plot to turn out. Hopefully Chapter 7 won't be too far off but In my head I know it will be a brutal one... but it will give me a chance to get things in order and make it a bit easier to swallow. Hope you liked the chapter though! Till next time!_

P.S. Rest assured that I will complete this fic!


	7. Chapter 7 - Last Words

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Hunger Games, I just don't lol. **

**CHAPTER 7: LAST WORDS**

Stepping around the crystalizing blood I slowly step towards my mother. She was still. There was no breath, no gasps for air, no struggle to survive. I knew then she'd been gone, for quite some time but how, but why? The closer I get, the heavier my footsteps become, and the slower time passes almost as if she was becoming further despite me closing the gap.

"Mom?" I call hoping her lifeless form would hear me and bring her back and look for a small glimmer of hope that she may yet still be alive, only just. "m… mo… mom…? Wake up! Wake up please…" My voice is weak. I collapse on the ground near her, tears are forming in my eyes. I look up to her from the ground as I try to support myself. I reach out to her shoulder and I'm stop by a gasp when now that I can examine her. Blood has been soaked in her clothes and I can see that she was shot multiple times in the chest. The remains of this sunlight enter through the door. I want to hold her but I can't. The sight of her so lifeless freezes me and tears fall and my cries are silent.

Outside, the silence was broken by a pack of Peacekeepers once more patrolling the area and I hear them on my porch and enter into my home. "Step away from her Miss Tinder." I'm still frozen and I cannot bring myself to move focused on her.

Having made no response I am pulled by a guard against the wall and restrained. I watch as two others collect her in a bag. I begin to move frantically. "Let me go please… LET ME GO!" I cry out and manage to break free and holding my mother in my arms for what would be the last time. I savor this moment. Her warmth had yet faded and her blood staining my clothes. "Mom… don't…don't le… don't leave me… not you too…" My tears flow only to be stopped by the same guard who separates me from my mom and throws me at the wall and she is collected before my eyes. Emotionlessly dumped in a black bag and carried away.

"Wait! Wait! WHY?" I scream at the guard, and he turns to face be before he leaves. I cannot see who he is as they are masked by black glass and helmets.  
"Why did this happen? Please… please tell me what happened!" I cry for answers.  
Wh…why… please!"

"Ashe Tinder." He replies robotically. "Your mother was executed because of your actions." My eyes widen. "You have interfered with the lives of Victors Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark for the last time. Your compliance would be much desired." He finishes as he leaves my home leaving the door open.

"WAIT! WHAT DID I DO? PLEASE WHY! WHAT DID I DO WRONG?" I scream as I cry. "GIVE HER BACK TO ME! SHE IS THE ONLY FAMILY I'VE GOT PLEASE!" The guard doesn't return and I'm left as the suns light fades behind the homes I see outside my door. I crawl hands dipped in blood to my door as I quietly shut it and lean against it from the inside. Curled up against the door I stare into the darkness just being able to make out where she lay.

I sit for hours as the night goes on, tears falling silently. I was alone. I felt alone but this loneliness was real. It was loneliness in it's ultimate form. My mothers room is closer to our front entrance than my room is so I begin to crawl to her slightly open door and feel around the darkness as I make my way to her bed and without changing, tears continue to fall as I drift into sleep.

I do not know what I have done. The words "You have interfered with the lives of Victors, Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark" replay in my head and I do not understand what I have done enough them to execute my mother. My father was the first to leave, perhaps before I was born as he didn't want to have me to begin with. Friend's of Peeta and I drifted from me, Peeta was the most consistent and only person that stuck by me, but even He left eventually. Off to the Hunger Games and by dumb luck return with the girl of his dreams and my relationship is forever stunted by this occurrence. My mom, the last person in my life, she left sooner than I knew, murdered because of me… I don't know what I had done, but because of my actions, she paid the ultimate price. What was it about me that caused all of this to happen to me?

The morning comes and light's soft touch opens my eyes. I remember that I'm in my mothers room but it was not nearly as neat at she kept it, must have been raided by the Peacekeepers. I look to her head desk where a melted candle stood but underneath was an envelope, curious my weary form reached for it as I remembered I was alone in this house. I examined the envelope only to find that it was addressed to me. I open the letter and pull out the folded parchment, along with it falls a picture of a handsome man I'd guess to be in his early to mid 20's. I'd never seen this man before, I turned it over and all that was written was "Thomas Cole." I have no idea who this man is and I'm sure it's not just because I just woke up. I put down the image and focus attention on this folded letter and I proceed to unravel it's contents.

_To my Dear Ashe,_

_If you are reading this, then I am most likely already dead. I have so much to explain and I apologize for not telling you in person, even make the effort to and make it seem like I was pushing you away at times. It was not my intention, and everything I did was for us… was for you._

_Life for us has never been easy, I had no way of getting us out of District 12 but still we managed to get this far, but not without a little help. Peeta was kind enough to us and even before – your father helped me survive. By now you have seen the picture I have placed in the envelope of Thomas Cole. Ashe, he is your father, handsome he was and a gentleman, even if being with me was a mistake. You are not an accident. I still decided to raise you. Your dad left because of his family, he couldn't risk them finding out about you. Now that you know the slightest of him, Ashe, promise me you won't go looking for him, he doesn't want to see you or hear from you. I know that that will be difficult especially with what you must be feeling at the moment but it will be for the better._

_You might be wondering why what happened to me did happen. Don't blame yourself I did this for you too. I know that you have felt a lot for Peeta, I could see it in your eyes for so long, you love him more than anything. After he returned from the Hunger Games, I knew that it meant so much for you to be able to see him again. I watched you watch the games hoping he would survive. The conditions of his return were also not as you expected and this is where it does become complicated. As victors their lives are important to the capitol and so it was they remain with each other. I was visited by Peacekeepers to issue a warning to you for your interaction with them, particularly Peeta; they will not risk a disturbance in a peace that could cause an outbreak. I don't think they believe their love story, but for you, it is plain to see that they are very much in love. So if I am killed, they didn't like what you are doing but don't blame yourself, I did this for you. It would be too much to ask for you to not see Peeta anymore and watch him grow closer to someone he loves the way you crave someone to love you. I cannot give you hope with Peeta considering I too… was left behind, but if you love him – let him live his life._

_I was told to notify you to stay away and keep your distance, but all I managed to do was push you away and treat you like dirt. I'm sorry I didn't mean what I said. They didn't threaten to kill you, only me. I couldn't blackmail you to sacrifice time with Peeta who made you feel at home for my life to be safe, I've lived my life long enough, so don't feel bad I would be in a better place. My only hope Ashe, is that you do find peace and that you continue to live for as long as you can. Smile my dear._  
_I love you._

_- Mom._

By the end the tears were beyond my control, I didn't know where to go from here. I felt relieved that I had closure on a few parts of my life but at the same time there was a boundless opening in my heart that couldn't be filled. I was helpless. Where would my life go from here? I realize that home will only have one occupant from now on, no one to greet me when I open the door. Peeta, no Peeta to visit me, I don't know how to tell him… I don't know if I can tell him. Dad, Thomas Cole… I have a name and face to put to the man I call my father, I know he doesn't want to see me, but he might be the only family I have left, but I don't know where to start looking, is he even still in District 12? I've never seen his face before. My thoughts begin to race, the only way to shut them out is to fall back to sleep.

The next few days I spent scrubbing my floor of the blood of my mother, it was the last traces of her, I don't know what they did with her after they took her away, it's felt so lonely here at home, I longed for someone to talk to, someone to talk to me, comfort me. The thought alone of not having anyone was enough to make the tears fall. There was one person that I had left, even if I had already lost everyone, Peeta was still around. I have nothing to lose now… if I could talk to him one last time, even if they end me… I have nothing else anyway.

I'm fearful to talk to him, I'm sure I shouldn't and I don't know if by now I'm nothing but a nuisance to Katniss and Peeta. With the cover of nightfall I decided to make my way to the Victors' Village. Having taken the longer way around and lots of stealth I found myself by Peeta's doorstep. I sat on the steps catching my breath, even if it was slightly cold out here, Peeta might have been asleep and I'd only be disturbing him at this time. Leaning my head on the door, I hear movement inside and chatter, I can't make out the words but Peeta is talking to Katniss and a light in the kitchen opens. I peer through a window still masked by darkness. Katniss was crying and shaking while Peeta sits her on a stool and comforts her, holding her close and kissing her forehead. I wrap my arms around myself as I watch and try to keep warm, he even prepares are cup of what I guess to be hot chocolate and I realize I haven't had much to eat or drink the passed few days. They are both sitting there talking he has managed to make her smile now bringing her closer. I wanted that, and I couldn't have come at a better time. This was no place for a mere peasant like me.

Minutes later they decide it's time to go back to sleep and while I found some comfort in watching them I hide behind the door and impulsively knock on Peeta's door. I knock again and I get a reaction and it sounded alarmed and a little frustrated. As Peeta opens the door I hide my face under my hood and brace myself.

"I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry…" I repeat like a crazy lady.

"Ashe?" Peeta guesses. "What are you doing here? It's late!" Oh no, I've upset him.

"I'm sorry, I w…was watching…"

"Watching? What? Do you do this often?!" He questions, looking back at Katniss who looks startled. I've ruined the moment haven't I.

"NO!" I shout. "I mean… I'm sorry… Peeta… It's mom…" I look him in the eye and my eyes begin to flood. "Peeta… she's dead!" I lose my grip on myself and I try holding myself together and I'm shrieking.

"Whoa, wait calm down!" Peeta grabs me and takes me inside with Katniss shutting the door behind us. I'm breathing heavily not knowing what to expect next. Katniss runs upstairs. "Calm down, calm down." Peeta's voice becomes soothing. "Look at me, what happened?" He looks worried, but I can't catch my breath. My vision becomes blurry. "Ashe? Ashe?... Ashe!" I blacked out.

I wake up snuggled up in a very comfortable bed, I have never felt such comfort in my life. It was warm and soft, I almost didn't want to get up, my eyes scan the room and assume this room isn't often used. I begin to look for this home's occupants, as I can't hear a sound. I see a half open door at the end of the hall way , that must be Peeta's room I guess as I approach and I see that both Katniss and Peeta have been sharing the room but neither of them are in sight. I stare at the sheets and bed, unmade. I wonder what it would be like with to sleep with someone you are terrified to lose, knowing that they would be close by, so close that if you were to awake from your slumber the other would be alerted to it. How it would feel to be safe at night in case your dreams weren't pleasant and to be grounded by someone's arms. To be loved and safe those were luxuries I have only dreamt about. My thoughts were interrupted by A key opening the door and Peeta bidding farewell to Katniss and saying he will see her for supper, it was so quiet I could hear the kiss they shared from downstairs. Still sleepy I make my way to the stairs.

"Ashe?" Peeta calls out as I reach the bottom. "Afternoon." He greets with a gentle smile and embrace.

"I'm sorry for dropping by Peeta… I didn't know what I was doing"

"It's okay… I know what happened now, I'm sorry about mom, Come here." He pulls me in for a tighter embrace. For the first time in days I felt like I wasn't alone. "Let's get you something to eat, and you can rest some more okay?" I simply nod at his suggestion.

What was hours later, Peeta had once again put up with me and listened to me. I apologized to him about Katniss, the last thing I want to do is get in the way of their romance. Peeta comforted me about what happened with mom and dad. He also urged me not to go looking for him, in case I don't like what I'd find.

"Ashe, I know you want to stay, but after what happened, I don't think it would be a good idea, they are serious, and this is dangerous for all of us, it would be best if I never see you again." He grimaces.

"Peeta? Not now… not when I need you most… I have nothing else to lose now!" I protest out of desperation. Why is he suggesting this now?

"Katniss, and I, what about us? We have family that we need to protect… we don't know who they will shoot next. I know it's what you need but it is too risky at this stage."

"Peeta please… not yet… I don't want to lose you forever now… I just lost mom…"

"I'm doing this because I care about you, you want me to love you but I can't, You know that…" He looks away. "I want to be there for you but I can't. I can't risk anything anymore... what's done is done… we need to live our lives now."

"You don't want to see me anymore? You are telling me to leave aren't you?" I look at him and his eyes find mine.

"Yes." His voice now cold and void of any trace of the Peeta that I know; hearing him answer me brought something that was worse than death, it didn't hurt, in fact I became numb.

"No, no, you don't mean that" I hold his face in my hands. "Peeta, please… no, you don't mean that" I pull him in for an embrace, only he doesn't return my affection but he doesn't fight me either. "Peeta?"

"Ashe, just go, you are making this harder for the both of… yourself… you are making things harder for yourself" I can feel his breath by my neck "I can't love you… I don't love you. I love Katniss." I push back, unaware of the tears that have been unleashed. "You need to go before Katniss gets back here…" He returns eye contact. "Goodbye Ashe… I'm sorry"

"No…no… no Peeta…" I turn at the open door behind me and I see Katniss making her way here to Peeta's home and I look at Peeta again. Absorbing the moment, seeing him this close, I quickly hug him tight. "Peeta… please…" I let go and run. I don't stop running as I leave the Village. When I'm sure I'm out of sight from either of them… I collapse on the ground, catching my breath. My hands grasping my face, constantly going through my hair, grabbing my arms I can't keep still, I'm in a frenzy, scanning the space around me.

Nowhere. Nothing. No one.

_I can explain myself, SORRY FOR NOT UPLOADING FOR SOOOO LONG, this was a difficult chapter to write even though I had it all planned and then unforeseen circumstances! I really appreciate anyone keeping up with the story though! I will have Chapter 8 up in the next few days! Please drop me a comment in the reviews if you liked it or not?! Till next time! Thank you and thank you again for being patient with me! _


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